I was feeling a little sorry for myself today, which happens to us all from time to time. This quote came to mind, as I thought about how my life "should be" right now. One of the worst days for me at this point in time is when someone I grew up knowing, comes in to where I work and I have to wait on them. And it's not that I don't love to see them...quite the opposite... I love hearing what wonderful things are happening in their lives. What I don't love is what inevitably happens when you haven't seen someone in a long time...you listen to their story, and then they want to hear yours...but you don't have a story to tell...not one that anyone would want to hear, anyway. This happened to me tonight....
Well, what is my story? I've been working in the restaurant business for 20 years, and after years of getting nowhere, going back and FINALLY FINISHING SCHOOL, I'm back working in the restaurant business. So, basically, what has been going on with me for the last 10 years? Why, NOTHING, thanks for asking. Now, let's get one thing straight - a lot of women my age (36) would be depressed that they weren't married with a family. NOT ME. I've never seen myself as a settling down, having kids sort of girl, so you probably won't see many posts in this blog about romance. What DOES bother me is that - even though I'm not tied down with marriage or kids - I have nothing to show for my life. I'm free to do whatever I please and BE wherever I want to be, and yet I'm stuck, with nothing to show.
I'm not writing to spread this pity party around. It was rough, I had a little cry about it, and I'll be fine and back to the determined lady you are beginning to know and love by morning...but this quote is something I like to tell myself when I have days like this....
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, and WHATEVER ELSE is out there that I'm too old to know how to use - they're all just highlight reels of people's lives. Quite frankly, the only time we're going to get the REAL STORY from someone (who's not in your inner circle), is when they've had a little too much to drink. Otherwise, we don't hear about the cheating boyfriends and husbands, or people losing their jobs who don't know how they're going to pay the mortgage. We see cute baby pics, but not the mother who has been up for 3 days straight with a sick baby, and still has to be up to work in the morning. We see selfies with all your friends on Saturday, but none of Sunday morning, because you woke up alone...again. We see smiles from friends who are dealing with death or divorce, and think "must not be so bad"...
We all smile and tell people we're okay when we're not. The strange part is, we think we're the only ones. We think everyone else is okay, and why aren't we? I have a friend who told me a while back that she wished she could be strong, like me. From the conversation, I feel like she wishes she could live life on her own terms, and she thinks that I do. It broke my heart. I feel like I'm getting stronger every day, but I don't think of myself as strong. I think of myself as someone who has failed at pretty much everything in my life, and I'm am struggling to finally do SOMETHING RIGHT. So WHY would she think of me as someone who is strong? And not just a colossal screw-up? Because she sees MY highlight reel...I put on a brave face, and that's what she sees. That's what we see, every single day, and we think our lives aren't as worthy as someone else's because our journeys may not have gone the way others' have gone...we think it's too late to start over just because we're a little behind...
Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but here's the point...don't compare your bullshit with someone else's garden. (and you can quote me on that!)
Well, what is my story? I've been working in the restaurant business for 20 years, and after years of getting nowhere, going back and FINALLY FINISHING SCHOOL, I'm back working in the restaurant business. So, basically, what has been going on with me for the last 10 years? Why, NOTHING, thanks for asking. Now, let's get one thing straight - a lot of women my age (36) would be depressed that they weren't married with a family. NOT ME. I've never seen myself as a settling down, having kids sort of girl, so you probably won't see many posts in this blog about romance. What DOES bother me is that - even though I'm not tied down with marriage or kids - I have nothing to show for my life. I'm free to do whatever I please and BE wherever I want to be, and yet I'm stuck, with nothing to show.
I'm not writing to spread this pity party around. It was rough, I had a little cry about it, and I'll be fine and back to the determined lady you are beginning to know and love by morning...but this quote is something I like to tell myself when I have days like this....
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, and WHATEVER ELSE is out there that I'm too old to know how to use - they're all just highlight reels of people's lives. Quite frankly, the only time we're going to get the REAL STORY from someone (who's not in your inner circle), is when they've had a little too much to drink. Otherwise, we don't hear about the cheating boyfriends and husbands, or people losing their jobs who don't know how they're going to pay the mortgage. We see cute baby pics, but not the mother who has been up for 3 days straight with a sick baby, and still has to be up to work in the morning. We see selfies with all your friends on Saturday, but none of Sunday morning, because you woke up alone...again. We see smiles from friends who are dealing with death or divorce, and think "must not be so bad"...
We all smile and tell people we're okay when we're not. The strange part is, we think we're the only ones. We think everyone else is okay, and why aren't we? I have a friend who told me a while back that she wished she could be strong, like me. From the conversation, I feel like she wishes she could live life on her own terms, and she thinks that I do. It broke my heart. I feel like I'm getting stronger every day, but I don't think of myself as strong. I think of myself as someone who has failed at pretty much everything in my life, and I'm am struggling to finally do SOMETHING RIGHT. So WHY would she think of me as someone who is strong? And not just a colossal screw-up? Because she sees MY highlight reel...I put on a brave face, and that's what she sees. That's what we see, every single day, and we think our lives aren't as worthy as someone else's because our journeys may not have gone the way others' have gone...we think it's too late to start over just because we're a little behind...
Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but here's the point...don't compare your bullshit with someone else's garden. (and you can quote me on that!)
RSS Feed