Okay, it's the last day of the month, so I'm going to do a recap of how I'm doing on my goals.  Here were my Goals for January:

#1 Run a mile without stopping.  Honestly, that one I just completely dropped the ball on.  I did go out a few times, but my fitness has honestly taken a little bit of a backseat this month.  So I am making it a PRIORITY in February.  My goal by the end of February was to run 2 miles without stopping.  I'm keeping that goal.  So I am really going to be focusing on my jogging this month.  Monday I will go to the rec center in town and get my membership so I can use the treadmill.  Obviously, getting outside to jog is just not going to work for me until spring gets here.  

#2 Follow at-home work schedule.  I WAS doing great on my at-home work schedule, and I'm still getting plenty of time in, but I've been working for hours and hours at a time trying to get this website together, that I haven't been following my schedule the way I had planned.  I have to refocus this month on making contact with people and work on the website at times other than when I'm supposed to be working on business.

#3 Finish reading The Giant Within.  I'm ALMOST DONE, I PROMISE!  Like I said, this website is taking up a lot of my time.  I have just a few chapters left, so I'm going to try to get them done this weekend.  I want to start a new book next week, for sure.

#4  Adhere to my monthly budget.  This one I've done as much as humanly possible.  I kept my extra spending down to a minimum, and did the most with what I could with the money I'm making right now.  I should be getting some money back for my taxes this month, and with the money, I'm going to catch up on a couple bills and put the money away that I'll need to take some days off in March for my friend's wedding.  So this goal is one that I've stuck to!

#5  Sell $500 on Ebay.  WHAT HAPPENED?!  I really dropped the ball on this one.  I did sell a few things, but because I was trying to keep up with my monthly budget, I had to use the money I made.  And that IS a good thing, I know.  I got a couple of bills paid that weren't going to get paid by my job. But if I can't keep some of that money in my Ebay account, I won't be able to build it into anything.  I need to work on that this month. 

#6  Keep the house clean.  This goal has been accomplished and become habit.  I'm happy to at least REALLY accomplished something this month. 

So, some of my goals I'm still working on.  But this is a great way to evaluate how I'm doing and refresh my commitment to my goals.  So in February, I'll be working on the following:

1.  Run 2 miles without stopping.
2.  Run my own Beachbody Challenge group/stick to my workout program          COMPLETELY.
3.  Read a book on budgeting my money better.
4.  Follow my at-home work schedule.
5.  Sell $500 on Ebay
6.  Pay up phone/internet bill - change providers
7.  Keep up with blog DAILY.

I must admit that my diet has not been the best this week.  This bad weather we've been having has keep me from going out too much, and I've been just eating whatever's hanging around, out of the freezer or fridge.  A lot of not-so-good calories have been consumed over the last 3 days, and I'm not proud of that at ALL.  I guess it really caught up to me today because I just felt so gross all day.  I barely got through my workout today, but I knew I had to do SOMETHING good for myself, so I powered through.

But, what I've learned on my journey in getting healthy is that, you just have to give yourself a break sometimes.  Just because I stumbled for a few days doesn't mean I'm not healthy anymore, or that I can't get right back to business tomorrow.  In the past, it would depress me so much when I "fell off the wagon" that I would just keep eating and eating...and all of a sudden my weight would be out of control....NO MORE!!

The great thing about being in a fitness group is that there is always someone who inspires me to get back up and do the right thing.  And my coach checks on me if she doesn't see me post regularly.  And usually if she's having to check on me, it's because I need to be checked on, because I'm doing things that I don't want to post, like eating junk, or not working out. I don't know how I ever tried to get healthy on my own.  Obviously, I DIDN'T get healthy on my own.  But with help, I'm doing it, and even though I've stumbled on my diet this week, it's not going to ruin me.  I'll be out and about again tomorrow, and my first stop will be the grocery store so I can stock up on my healthy food.  After the past few days, I think it'll be a while until I eat another frozen dinner or peanut butter sandwich. 

I must admit that today I have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  It snowed last night, and in the little beach town that I live in pretty much closes down when they even SMELL snow in the air.  It's ridiculous, really, but it always gives me a little time to recharge my batteries.  And that's never a bad thing, right?

So, the bad weather means that I didn't have to work yesterday, and yesterday fell in between my 2 day off.  Three days off in a row - WHAT? Yeah, I'm going a little stir crazy.  I did some cleaning, did some working out, did some work on my website, read a little.  By today, I was just done with everything.  So I'm admitting here and now that I did NOTHING to further myself today.  I sat on the sofa and watched TV. 

It is nice to have a day where I don't really have to worry about anything.  I didn't get on the computer or check my phone too much.  I didn't feel the stress of not having money to pay the bills.  I didn't have stress of having to go to work and deal with people, or go ANYWHERE to deal with people, actually.  I had no responsibilities today.  I took a tiny little "stay-cation" the last few days, and I'm nice and recharged for the week ahead of me.  

Oh, man.  All the time I've wasted daydreaming about the person I would be "someday".  All the nights I've laid awake thinking about "when I have money" and "when I'm thin" and "when I get out of this town".  I would sit with friends and we would talk about all the great things we were going to do "WHEN...".  And yet....we never really made any of those things happen.  I remained here, overweight, and broke, "stuck" in my dead end job.  Talking about who you are going to be someday is pretty much the worst thing you can do for the person you are right now.

Right now I am so far from where I want to be.  I feel like I've gone back to the drawing board and I'm starting fresh.  And it feels FANTASTIC!  It's a strange thing that happens when you take ACTION towards your dreams...you don't really have time to THINK about them too much.  I used to lay in bed for hours and think about my life as it "should" be.  But my day is so full now - full of health and work and happiness and friends and THIS BLOG - that once my head hits the pillow at night, I'm usually right off to sleep. 

When I think about how I want things to be "someday", it's not long before I just really get bored with it and get on with my day.  I just have too much to do.  YES - the things I'm doing daily are to make a better future for myself. But FIRST, I'm taking care of TODAY.  And that's a great feeling....

Now, I'm off to work on my website some more.  The one thing I DO think about all the time? Getting faster internet!!  It's making this website extremely tedious to get done.  Luckily, new internet is on my GOAL LIST for February....and that day CANNOT come fast enough!

I spent the entire day working on my fitness website, and now, at almost 2 a.m. it is DEFINITELY time for bed.  So this one's just for fun!

There are a few things I tell myself when I don't want to workout - I'm too busy.  I'm tired.  I have a headache.  I don't want to take another shower. I've already eaten crappy today, so what's the point?  I'm sad.  I'm mad.  I'm too big.  People are going to judge me.  I could go on, but you get the point....

So, it's not that I forgot that I had to do my blog yesterday.  It's not that I procrastinated.  It's just that I had something better to do.  WHAT??  Ridiculous!  I've been working for the last couple of days on my health and fitness website and I just sort of got lost in it, which I tend to do from time to time.  By the time I was at a stopping point yesterday, I just did NOT want to look at the computer screen any longer, so I skipped yesterday's entry.

Now, here in the light of day, it seems to me that successful people don't just SKIP things because they were wrapped up in something else. Successful people don't break promises to themselves just because they have a little headache, or in order to get to get a little more sleep.  RIGHT?? So, from now on, neither do I!  

I mean, I knew I was just going to have to get up in the morning and do yesterday's entry and put myself behind for today, anyway.  Now admittedly, I didn't really know what I was getting into when I started this blog.  I thought it would be just a simple thing I could do each morning in order to give myself a little more motivation with my goals.  But it really is a big part of my day.  To find the right quote is one thing...I have them all in front of me, but what to use for each day?  The writing doesn't take long, but then, I really hash out in my mind what each quote means.  If there's a project to do, I organize plans on how to accomplish it.  If it's something I've experienced, like today's quote, I really take time to figure out why I'm doing these things and dig down and make a promise to myself that I'm going to change....

What turned started out as something I thought would be small, has turned out to be a big focus in my life.  The task is small, but what it represents is larger than I had imagined.  I am no longer someone who is living like the "faint-hearted".  The small things are the foundation on which the big things in your life are built.  You cannot have one without the other.

I ended yesterday a little down.  We all have days when we feel a little defeated...when we just want to go home and pull the covers up over our heads and be done with the day already.  But the wonderful thing about a good night's sleep, and waking up nice and early in this morning is, before my feet even hit the floor this morning, I made the choice to shake off yesterday and have a great day!

Everyday, we have the choice to wallow in the things that bring us down, and push forward in our goals and dreams.  The old Stacey may have stayed in bed a little too late today, thinking nothing is ever going to change in my life.  But this new Stacey is telling me that it's time to get up, get going, and make the very best of the day that lies ahead of me.  So that's what I'm going to do...  I hope you choose to do the same!

I was feeling a little sorry for myself today, which happens to us all from time to time.  This quote came to mind, as I thought about how my life "should be" right now.  One of the worst days for me at this point in time is when someone I grew up knowing, comes in to where I work and I have to wait on them.  And it's not that I don't love to see them...quite the opposite... I love hearing what wonderful things are happening in their lives.  What I don't love is what inevitably happens when you haven't seen someone in a long time...you listen to their story, and then they want to hear yours...but you don't have a story to tell...not one that anyone would want to hear, anyway. This happened to me tonight....

Well, what is my story?  I've been working in the restaurant business for 20 years, and after years of getting nowhere, going back and FINALLY FINISHING SCHOOL, I'm back working in the restaurant business.  So, basically, what has been going on with me for the last 10 years?  Why, NOTHING, thanks for asking.  Now, let's get one thing straight - a lot of women my age (36) would be depressed that they weren't married with a family.  NOT ME.  I've never seen myself as a settling down, having kids sort of girl, so you probably won't see many posts in this blog about romance.  What DOES bother me is that - even though I'm not tied down with marriage or kids - I have nothing to show for my life.  I'm free to do whatever I please and BE wherever I want to be, and yet I'm stuck, with nothing to show.  

I'm not writing to spread this pity party around.  It was rough, I had a little cry about it, and I'll be fine and back to the determined lady you are beginning to know and love by morning...but this quote is something I like to tell myself when I have days like this....

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, and WHATEVER ELSE is out there that I'm too old to know how to use - they're all just highlight reels of people's lives.  Quite frankly, the only time we're going to get the REAL STORY from someone (who's not in your inner circle), is when they've had a little too much to drink.  Otherwise, we don't hear about the cheating boyfriends and husbands, or people losing their jobs who don't know how they're going to pay the mortgage.  We see cute baby pics, but not the mother who has been up for 3 days straight with a sick baby, and still has to be up to work in the morning.  We see selfies with all your friends on Saturday, but none of Sunday morning, because you woke up alone...again. We see smiles from friends who are dealing with death or divorce, and think "must not be so bad"...

We all smile and tell people we're okay when we're not.  The strange part is, we think we're the only ones.  We think everyone else is okay, and why aren't we?  I have a friend who told me a while back that she wished she could be strong, like me.  From the conversation, I feel like she wishes she could live life on her own terms, and she thinks that I do.  It broke my heart. I feel like I'm getting stronger every day, but I don't think of myself as strong.  I think of myself as someone who has failed at pretty much everything in my life, and I'm am struggling to finally do SOMETHING RIGHT.  So WHY would she think of me as someone who is strong?  And not just a colossal screw-up?  Because she sees MY highlight reel...I put on a brave face, and that's what she sees.  That's what we see, every single day, and we think our lives aren't as worthy as someone else's because our journeys may not have gone the way others' have gone...we think it's too late to start over just because we're a little behind...

Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but here's the point...don't compare your bullshit with someone else's garden. (and you can quote me on that!)

Well, yesterday I started to really think about what I was going to need to do in order to reach as many people as I can with my Beachbody group.  And this Confucious quote seemed to be quite appropriate.  I can't expect big things to happen until I lay the groundwork.  Yes, I post on Facebook here and there, but I'm just not reaching enough people with that.  Instagram is a great venue, and so is Twitter, so I have to start getting better at posting in those two places. 

What I'm focusing on right now is getting a website up and running.  I have my Beachbody website, but I could also reach a lot of people if I had my own Health and Fitness site.  So I'm in the works of doing that, and I'll share the website when it's up and running.  Once I get the website up and running, I'll work on changing my Twitter and Instagram so that everything links together.  

I've been a little lost as to exactly where to start all this on the business end of things.  I know, above all else, I need to stick to MY health and fitness - practice what I preach - or all of this will be a practice in futility.  But as far as the actual business goes, now I have a focus and I'm ready to get started!