At work today, one of my co-workers came in, and she was crying. I'm usually not one to pry, so I don't know what it was all about, but when I saw her, I tried to think of the last time I'd cried. And not like, I'm watching Marley and Me, or like on Sunday, when the Broncos lost the Super Bowl by 35 points. But the last time I REALLY cried? I just couldn't remember.
This thought is so significant because there was a time in the not so distant past, when I cried almost every single day. It pains me to think of myself that way, so unhappy - unhappy with my job, my relationships, and with the person looking back at me in the mirror. And really, aren't those the big three? If you can't find happiness in at least one of those areas of your life, what else is there?
During this year, I'm going to talk a lot about what getting healthy has done for me. When you begin to eat and do thing right things for your body, and it starts feeling the way it's designed to feel, you just feel like you can conquer anything. I wasn't happy with ANYTHING in my life (with the exception of the fact that I have some of the MOST WONDERFUL friends in the world, of course!). Even the good things that happened to me were always overshadowed by the all the darkness I had inside.
Getting healthy, for me, was the ultimate eye-opener - it truly saved my life. How could I workout and feel great and eat right, and then turn around and be sad? It just didn't add up. And I knew that if I had all of this baggage still with me, I would never be able to stay healthy or accomplish any of my goals. I had never been able to accomplish anything in the past, but I'm determined to change it all!! To make a significant change, I had break some things that were tearing me apart - I had to"destroy the things that were destroying me".
A few years ago, I left a job that I loved, but that was no longer something I wanted to pursue, and found a job that I thought I would enjoy, but ended up just was NOT being a good fit for me. I didn't enjoy it, and I really wasn't even trying to do my best work, which is simply out of character for me. And after being somewhere I had loved working for so long, it was heartbreaking for me to be somewhere that I felt inadequate. It came to the point where I was so upset most days that I would cry before I had to leave for work. So, I had to get out of that job to save myself. Now I'm back in the restaurant business for a while, and that's just fine with me. For now, anyway....
My relationship with my mother has always been a torrid one. I'd mess up, she would yell, I would yell, and we wouldn't speak for months at a time. When we were in the same room, you cut the tension in the air with a knife. It's been like that with us for 15 years. But I just do NOT have room for that sort of toxic feeling inside me, and one day, enough was enough. I made a decision that I simply was NOT going to fight with her anymore. It's not worth it and it gets us nowhere. I am willing to say that we have a better relationship now than I can ever remember us having. Other people in my life, however, were not so lucky. There are some people that you can love with all your heart, but they are just no good for you. So I had to leave some of them behind. And I'm all the better for it.....
And as for the person I see in the mirror?? Well, it took me 36 years, but I'm finally starting to see just how great that lady is. The examples I'm making are short and to the point, but don't think they were, or are, easy decisions. When I left my job, I had nothing...no money and only some job applications turned in around town without any REAL promise of a job yet. But it was what I had to do for me. And my relationships are definitely an ongoing battle. I am tempted to fall into old patterns with familiar people sometimes. But I have to remind myself that the hardest decision is usually the right decision.
This yearI'm destroying the drama, the tears, and the frustration in my life and what I'm building to replace is going to be amazing!
This thought is so significant because there was a time in the not so distant past, when I cried almost every single day. It pains me to think of myself that way, so unhappy - unhappy with my job, my relationships, and with the person looking back at me in the mirror. And really, aren't those the big three? If you can't find happiness in at least one of those areas of your life, what else is there?
During this year, I'm going to talk a lot about what getting healthy has done for me. When you begin to eat and do thing right things for your body, and it starts feeling the way it's designed to feel, you just feel like you can conquer anything. I wasn't happy with ANYTHING in my life (with the exception of the fact that I have some of the MOST WONDERFUL friends in the world, of course!). Even the good things that happened to me were always overshadowed by the all the darkness I had inside.
Getting healthy, for me, was the ultimate eye-opener - it truly saved my life. How could I workout and feel great and eat right, and then turn around and be sad? It just didn't add up. And I knew that if I had all of this baggage still with me, I would never be able to stay healthy or accomplish any of my goals. I had never been able to accomplish anything in the past, but I'm determined to change it all!! To make a significant change, I had break some things that were tearing me apart - I had to"destroy the things that were destroying me".
A few years ago, I left a job that I loved, but that was no longer something I wanted to pursue, and found a job that I thought I would enjoy, but ended up just was NOT being a good fit for me. I didn't enjoy it, and I really wasn't even trying to do my best work, which is simply out of character for me. And after being somewhere I had loved working for so long, it was heartbreaking for me to be somewhere that I felt inadequate. It came to the point where I was so upset most days that I would cry before I had to leave for work. So, I had to get out of that job to save myself. Now I'm back in the restaurant business for a while, and that's just fine with me. For now, anyway....
My relationship with my mother has always been a torrid one. I'd mess up, she would yell, I would yell, and we wouldn't speak for months at a time. When we were in the same room, you cut the tension in the air with a knife. It's been like that with us for 15 years. But I just do NOT have room for that sort of toxic feeling inside me, and one day, enough was enough. I made a decision that I simply was NOT going to fight with her anymore. It's not worth it and it gets us nowhere. I am willing to say that we have a better relationship now than I can ever remember us having. Other people in my life, however, were not so lucky. There are some people that you can love with all your heart, but they are just no good for you. So I had to leave some of them behind. And I'm all the better for it.....
And as for the person I see in the mirror?? Well, it took me 36 years, but I'm finally starting to see just how great that lady is. The examples I'm making are short and to the point, but don't think they were, or are, easy decisions. When I left my job, I had nothing...no money and only some job applications turned in around town without any REAL promise of a job yet. But it was what I had to do for me. And my relationships are definitely an ongoing battle. I am tempted to fall into old patterns with familiar people sometimes. But I have to remind myself that the hardest decision is usually the right decision.
This yearI'm destroying the drama, the tears, and the frustration in my life and what I'm building to replace is going to be amazing!
RSS Feed