There are a few things I tell myself when I don't want to workout - I'm too busy.  I'm tired.  I have a headache.  I don't want to take another shower. I've already eaten crappy today, so what's the point?  I'm sad.  I'm mad.  I'm too big.  People are going to judge me.  I could go on, but you get the point....

So, it's not that I forgot that I had to do my blog yesterday.  It's not that I procrastinated.  It's just that I had something better to do.  WHAT??  Ridiculous!  I've been working for the last couple of days on my health and fitness website and I just sort of got lost in it, which I tend to do from time to time.  By the time I was at a stopping point yesterday, I just did NOT want to look at the computer screen any longer, so I skipped yesterday's entry.

Now, here in the light of day, it seems to me that successful people don't just SKIP things because they were wrapped up in something else. Successful people don't break promises to themselves just because they have a little headache, or in order to get to get a little more sleep.  RIGHT?? So, from now on, neither do I!  

I mean, I knew I was just going to have to get up in the morning and do yesterday's entry and put myself behind for today, anyway.  Now admittedly, I didn't really know what I was getting into when I started this blog.  I thought it would be just a simple thing I could do each morning in order to give myself a little more motivation with my goals.  But it really is a big part of my day.  To find the right quote is one thing...I have them all in front of me, but what to use for each day?  The writing doesn't take long, but then, I really hash out in my mind what each quote means.  If there's a project to do, I organize plans on how to accomplish it.  If it's something I've experienced, like today's quote, I really take time to figure out why I'm doing these things and dig down and make a promise to myself that I'm going to change....

What turned started out as something I thought would be small, has turned out to be a big focus in my life.  The task is small, but what it represents is larger than I had imagined.  I am no longer someone who is living like the "faint-hearted".  The small things are the foundation on which the big things in your life are built.  You cannot have one without the other.

I ended yesterday a little down.  We all have days when we feel a little defeated...when we just want to go home and pull the covers up over our heads and be done with the day already.  But the wonderful thing about a good night's sleep, and waking up nice and early in this morning is, before my feet even hit the floor this morning, I made the choice to shake off yesterday and have a great day!

Everyday, we have the choice to wallow in the things that bring us down, and push forward in our goals and dreams.  The old Stacey may have stayed in bed a little too late today, thinking nothing is ever going to change in my life.  But this new Stacey is telling me that it's time to get up, get going, and make the very best of the day that lies ahead of me.  So that's what I'm going to do...  I hope you choose to do the same!

I was feeling a little sorry for myself today, which happens to us all from time to time.  This quote came to mind, as I thought about how my life "should be" right now.  One of the worst days for me at this point in time is when someone I grew up knowing, comes in to where I work and I have to wait on them.  And it's not that I don't love to see them...quite the opposite... I love hearing what wonderful things are happening in their lives.  What I don't love is what inevitably happens when you haven't seen someone in a long time...you listen to their story, and then they want to hear yours...but you don't have a story to tell...not one that anyone would want to hear, anyway. This happened to me tonight....

Well, what is my story?  I've been working in the restaurant business for 20 years, and after years of getting nowhere, going back and FINALLY FINISHING SCHOOL, I'm back working in the restaurant business.  So, basically, what has been going on with me for the last 10 years?  Why, NOTHING, thanks for asking.  Now, let's get one thing straight - a lot of women my age (36) would be depressed that they weren't married with a family.  NOT ME.  I've never seen myself as a settling down, having kids sort of girl, so you probably won't see many posts in this blog about romance.  What DOES bother me is that - even though I'm not tied down with marriage or kids - I have nothing to show for my life.  I'm free to do whatever I please and BE wherever I want to be, and yet I'm stuck, with nothing to show.  

I'm not writing to spread this pity party around.  It was rough, I had a little cry about it, and I'll be fine and back to the determined lady you are beginning to know and love by morning...but this quote is something I like to tell myself when I have days like this....

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, and WHATEVER ELSE is out there that I'm too old to know how to use - they're all just highlight reels of people's lives.  Quite frankly, the only time we're going to get the REAL STORY from someone (who's not in your inner circle), is when they've had a little too much to drink.  Otherwise, we don't hear about the cheating boyfriends and husbands, or people losing their jobs who don't know how they're going to pay the mortgage.  We see cute baby pics, but not the mother who has been up for 3 days straight with a sick baby, and still has to be up to work in the morning.  We see selfies with all your friends on Saturday, but none of Sunday morning, because you woke up alone...again. We see smiles from friends who are dealing with death or divorce, and think "must not be so bad"...

We all smile and tell people we're okay when we're not.  The strange part is, we think we're the only ones.  We think everyone else is okay, and why aren't we?  I have a friend who told me a while back that she wished she could be strong, like me.  From the conversation, I feel like she wishes she could live life on her own terms, and she thinks that I do.  It broke my heart. I feel like I'm getting stronger every day, but I don't think of myself as strong.  I think of myself as someone who has failed at pretty much everything in my life, and I'm am struggling to finally do SOMETHING RIGHT.  So WHY would she think of me as someone who is strong?  And not just a colossal screw-up?  Because she sees MY highlight reel...I put on a brave face, and that's what she sees.  That's what we see, every single day, and we think our lives aren't as worthy as someone else's because our journeys may not have gone the way others' have gone...we think it's too late to start over just because we're a little behind...

Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but here's the point...don't compare your bullshit with someone else's garden. (and you can quote me on that!)

This is absolutely, 100% true.  The only time you REALLY FAIL is when you STOP TRYING.  As is the purpose of this blog, I've really been taking a good look at my life lately.  And what I've found is that IN THE PAST, I have been a quitter.  I quit things when they become "inconvenient" for me.  I've given up exercise program after exercise program because "I don't have the time", or "there's something good on TV", or "I've already ruined my diet for the day, so why work out". 

In the last year, I have found that the more I work out, truly the happier I am.  I am able to deal with stressful situations with more patience, I'm more optimistic, and I really take the time to work through my problems rather than just toss them into the pile with the others.  The cloud of gloom and doom has been lifted from my life.  So why in the world would I not do everything in my power to feel like this everyday??  Well, I have....for the most part. But lately, I have been feeling myself slip again, and today is about getting back on track.  

I know that the winter months are always the hardest for me.  When it's cold outside, it's just easier to come home from work and bundle up on the sofa watching TV all night.  And it's easier to keep snuggled up in bed all day than it is to get up and get moving in the morning.  And since I slept all day, why not just grab something to eat on the to work?  Yup, we've all been there.  And that's fine, every once in a while...we all have our off days.  We just CANNOT make habit of this!  

I've cut off the workout excuses by making a promise to get up at 8 A.M. every day.  And I'm doing that (for the most part...sometimes it 9:00, but still good for me!)  But my eating needs to get under control.  Working out and then eating like crap is not going to get me anywhere.  I mean, it's better than eating like crap and NOT working out, but I have to fuel my body or I'm going to start feeling terrible again.  My workouts have been suffering, and I know what's next...dropping the workouts, too.  Well, NOT ON MY WATCH!!

You can always get back on track...you can always make a change.  You never fail until you quit.  No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everyone on the couch...I know all of that.  Winter will not be the death of me!  I haven't gained back any of the weight that I lost last year.  That is a TRUE ACCOMPLISHMENT for me.  I think of last winter, when I plummeted up to 206 pounds - 10 pounds heavier than I had ever been in my life. There was no hope.  I was doomed....until, of course, I found Beachbody, and FELL IN LOVE WITH MY LIFE AGAIN!!

This year, I'm 30 pounds lighter, and I'm making positive changes everyday.  I fight every day for a better life.  I may be going slowly right now, but I'm never going to stop again!  I'm making the promise today to get back on track with my nutrition, and keep this train on track!

I also think it's time to run my own Beachbody Challenge group.  To TRULY make a real change, you need 90 days.  I fell in love with the BeachBody life during my 90 Day Challenge.  So I think that starting in mid-February, I'll start a 90 Day Group.  That will run me right up into the beginning of summer, so that will be perfect.  

Do anything you can to keep yourself on track with your fitness...it's the best thing you can ever do for YOU!

I read once that procrastination is a form of addiction for some people...I have GOT to be one of those people.  I wholeheartedly believe that procrastination has been the downfall of my entire life.  In school, I was ALWAYS the person who was up all night the night before the project was due.  I start reading the book the night before the test.  I wait until the day of a function to shop for the dress. I pay the electric bill the night before it's going to be cut off EVEN WHEN I HAVE THE MONEY!  I can't tell you how much money I've wasted in late fees and reconnect fees, or how many times I've gone to work in wet pants because I waited too long to do laundry.  This is the reason I've never been successful at my job, and why I'm always a frantic mess when it comes to going out of town, going out with friends, or even getting ready for work in the morning.  

Procrastination gives some people - and by some people, I mean me - a rush, just like some people get from things like gambling.  There's this anticipation of "Will I get it done in time?" And then this crazy rush while I rush around trying to get things done...the high I feel when I get it done just in the nick of time.  And then the low I feel when I think about the fact that I've either wasted the day, or more money, or haven't learned anything from rushing the process, or even worse - I don't make the deadline at all, and I've failed once again.  I'm not enjoying the journey when I'm waiting for the high, you know?

So today is about GETTING SHIT DONE!!  I mean, even this blog...I started off strong, and I've been slacking off a little, and I know it's almost midnight and I'm just getting this started tonight.  I have one less battle to deal with since I AM keeping the house clean...in the past I've been the one who gets more cleaning done 20 minutes before someone comes over than I do all month.  Now I'm living in a nice tidy house (with the exception of some clothes strewn about here and there).  I'm feel much more at ease in a tidy home...now it's time to tidy up the rest of my life.  

It's so much less stressful when you can get the bills paid on time.  And let's face it, I'm just not making enough money to pay the bills.  I live in a beach town and the restaurant business is TERRIBLE in the winter.  But I'm a determined woman right now!  I live in America!  Where there's a will, there's a way!  ....and all that jazz. In the past, I would just lay down and let the bills beat me down, and I will admit, I've fallen into the same pattern this winter.  BUT NO MORE!!  I mean, it's one thing if you genuinely don't have the money...but so many times, I have the money to pay a bill, and I'll just keep it until, like, the phone gets cut off...well that's $20 to reconnect!! RIDICULOUS!!  NO MORE!  

It's not just the money issue, but that's at least something tangible to deal with.  The rest I will have to take on a case by case basis.  So, I'm sure I'll keep you posted...WISH ME LUCK!!

I read this and realized how very true it is. Have you ever loved the same book as a friend, and when you discussed parts, you remembered COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS?  Different parts of a book will speak to different people, because of the memories and dreams that particular person feeds from when reading.    

So, I know what this quote is about...standing up for what's right and all that, which I wholeheartedly believe to be true. But I actually thought of it in another way after something happened the other day, so I thought I'd share....

A few days ago, at work, I was walking through the dining room (I work in a restaurant in case you didn't know) and an older lady stopped me.  She asked me if I would walk another elderly lady (it seemed like maybe her sister) to the restroom so that she could continue eating.  Of course I would! So the woman took my arm and off we went.  I learned, on the way to the restroom, that she had fallen down and broken her kneecap a while back, and now she couldn't walk without leaning on someone or something.  We chatted while we walked, but there was definitely an air of tension - she was embarrassed, I could tell.  So I tried to chat about things like her pretty nail polish and her granddaughter (who had painted her pretty nails). When we got back to the table, she said "I've got it from here, young lady.  Thank you so much."  She was able to walk the last few feet back to her seat and get settled in just fine, so I left and continued on with my day.   But this experience just really got me thinking about defeating it must feel to need help getting anywhere you needed to go.  And I thought about the way I used to treat my body, and how much more alive I felt now that I'm getting healthier.

Now, this lady was, I want to say, about 80 years old.  And at 80 years old, if you need some help getting up and around, then so be it...I think you've earned that right.  But I look at myself less than a year ago.  I couldn't walk a flight of stairs without getting winded.  When I knelt down, there was pain in my knees, and I couldn't get back up without bracing myself.  When I sat - well first of all, it hurt my knees just to sit.  But also, I was so overweight that it was uncomfortable to even breathe sometimes.  My doctor told me in June that I was on my way to diabetes and already had pretty high blood pressure.....  

So, how long would it be until I wouldn't be able to "stand alone"?  I see more and more older people with walkers, and scooters, and oxygen tanks. A little over six months ago, I was on my way to being one of those people...but not anymore!

Within only a few weeks of better diet and exercise, my body felt better.  My knees are now pain free!  My doctor says I'm no longer pre-diabetic, and my blood pressure is down significantly from 6 months ago.  I'm a long way from the weight and fitness level that I want to be, but I'm well on my way.  It's funny how, in the past, my motivations for losing weight have always been pictures of models from magazines, or thinking of getting myself into a pair of skinny jeans!  And don't get me wrong, getting into those skinny jeans is definitely still up there on my list of goals.  But when I think about motivating myself, I think of women like this one.  I think of getting older and not being able to do for myself - not being able to stand alone ever again.   And given enough time, we will all experience this need for assistance in everyday life. But I'm going to take care of my body so that that day is far, far off in future.

And I intend to do just that!  Today is about getting really focused on means OTHER than my job, to make a the money to get me where I want to be, rather than where I am now.  

The first, and most important thing that will sustain me in the long run, is my Beachbody business.  I have a goal of helping 50 people get fit this year.  I just feel like I'm not reaching enough people.  But I also think that I'm just not really trying to.  So this morning is all about working on ways to reach out farther than I am to get the response that I want.  Instagram, this blog, maybe a website...whatever it is, I need to get on the ball and start doing it ASAP!  All these things are totally free!  And I can do them from home, so there's no excuse.  I should be succeeding in this business.

Another great avenue to making a little extra money is Ebay.  Everyone has at LEAST a few things in there house that can fetch a few dollars, right?  So this afternoon I'm off to hunt for a few things I can sell online.  It's the end of my week, and I promised myself I would have $250 worth of things posted online ($500 is my goal for the month)....as of right now I have a little over $100.  So this afternoon is dedicated to Ebay.  Do what you can with what you have, right?  And in this case, do what you can with what you don't want anymore!  Ebay may not be the greatest money making idea for me, personally.  Even though there ARE people that actually make a living doing this, I don't think I will.  I'll sell some things of mine and then look for things to purchase that I think would fetch a little more online than what I bought them for.  It's not something I would consider doing "full time". But if it can be a small part of my income that can sustain itself, why wouldn't I do it for a few hours a week?

Well, off to it, then!  I work at my "real job" at 4:00, and there's so much to do before then...I would love to know some things you do when money is just a little too tight...

Yesterday, I talked a little about  the uselessness of worrying.  It has no place in my life right now (or ever, really)...I just have to put my nose to the grindstone and get through the tough spot I'm in right now.  I realized, today, that the worrying that seems to be creeping in may have something to do with the amount of complaining about things I'm doing lately...hence, today's quote.

Now, it's hard being broke.  We've all been there at one time or another.  You want to get out and do things with your friends, but you can't - you're broke.  You want to have a little money in the bank for a "rainy day", but no such luck.  You'd love to buy a new pair of shoes to go with the new outfit you just got, but you can't because you don't have money for shoes OR a new outfit!  And really, you want to talk about getting away for a few days?? 

Well, you get my point...it's hard.  And when you see your friends moving on with their lives...building businesses, buying homes, moving away...it's even harder, when you're sort of stuck.  BUT I'M NOT STUCK!  I'm in the middle of a great transformation for myself, and I AM PROUD OF THAT!  I've made decisions in my life that have put me in a TOUGH SPOT - not an impossible one.  But when the rent is late, and the bills are piling up, and you're not making any money, and you just want to be thin already, and you don't like where you live, you just want to vent a little, RIGHT??  WRONG!!  SHUT IT UP!  Griping doesn't solve anything, it just casts a gloomy cloud over you and makes that worry creep into your head.  

I realized that when I was frustrated at work this weekend,  I just wanted to do nothing put pull the covers over my head and hide.  But today, I refused to let life get me down, and guess what?  It didn't.  I went to work with a good attitude, and I left feeling like I was ready to face the rest of my day.  So I went home, worked out, fixed a nice dinner, and now I'm getting my blog done.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm never going to complain again, or that I'm going to automatically be the most positive person in the world.  That would be a ridiculous assumption.  We all have to vent it out sometimes.  But since I've been making healthier choices and more positive life decisions, I've been in great spirits most of the time and a pretty happy person. It's just right around the time when the stress of "bill time" rolls around that I get like this.  I just have to be more aware of the attitude I'm sending out.  Even to just agree with a group of venting co-workers or friend is toxic to your mood.  It is a better use of energy - instead of wallowing in frustration - to go for a walk or do something creative to get my mind on something else.  And instead of listening to those venting friends, try to turn the situation into a more positive one...either to help solve the problem, or just remove myself from the situation entirely.  Anything to keep myself from falling back into old, bad habits.